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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 08:38
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I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
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Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
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Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
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If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
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Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Ah well, then I suppose I shall have to die beyond my means.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
UNIX is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its simplicity.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
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Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
If you take something apart and put it back together again enough times, you will eventually have enough parts left over to build a second one.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
I\'m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
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Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
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I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
If a man does his best, what else is there?
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
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Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
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Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
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Premature optimization is the root of all evil.
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Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they\'re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
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Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
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Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
There is only one nature - the division into science and engineering is a human imposition, not a natural one. Indeed, the division is a human failure; it reflects our limited capacity to comprehend the whole.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
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The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
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The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
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Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
O\'Toole\'s Corollary of Finagle\'s Law: The perversity of the Universe tends towards a maximum.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 23:02
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